How to build strong relationships & Maintain them- When you aren't good with people

build strong relationships / Communication

Relationships are an important factor in our lives. People come and people go. Some walk out when it’s difficult – some stay for a lifetime. Close relationships with our family and friends help us to talk about our insecurities and doubts. Help us to gain important advice. And give us the feeling of stability and security in our lives. Today’s topic is all about your relationships and how to make them stronger.

Types of Interpersonal relationships:

There are 4 types of Relationships:(lumen)

Friendships
Family
Romantic
Professional

10 Stages to build strong relationships:

How our relations progress over time can be explained by Knapp’s Relational Development Model. It will show us where we are with our current relationships. Explain why we react a certain way around the people close to us. As well as showing us the stages we already went through or are yet to face.

According to the Knapp’s Relational Development Model there are 10 stages on how our relationships develop:

Stages of Coming Together

1.Initiating:

The first stage is about making first Impressions. This could be checking out someone’s appearance or having a first glimpse at someone’s body language or way of speaking

2.Experimenting:

After Initiating is completed you start to exchange Information and have first conversations. Topics are mostly small talk, like asking about someone’s interests or workplace.

3. Intensifying:

Small talk is followed by deeper conversations. In stage 3, intensifying, it often comes to flirting, touching and creating nick or pet names. It is also easier to express your emotions to the other person.

4.Integrating:

During the next stage your hobbies or activities align with your friend or partner. You start to merge your friends circles, move in together or share secrets nobody else is meant to know. ( The Armchair Collective)

5.Bonding:

The last stage for coming together is the bonding stage. Here you and your friend or partner publicly show that you belong together. This could be by marrying or by always hanging around that one friend. For friendships,it is also common to wear similar or the same clothes. ( The Armchair Collective). Many relationships stay here or move on to the:

Stages of Coming Apart:

6.Differentiating:

During the 6th stage, you and your partner or friend have less and less similarities. You start acting less as one and more individually. You start to have different friends and interests than the other person.

7.Circumscribing:

After stage six is completed you will set individual spaces, the other person doesn’t interact with. You also start setting boundaries and it comes to more and more conflicts in the relationship.

8.Stagnating:

Even though you start having more conflicts with your friend or partner you still stay in the relationships due to “apathy, convenience or other lack of need to completely separate” (Changing Minds).

9.Avoiding:

During the 9th stage, you start to avoid eye contact or the other person in general

10.Termination:

The last stage is the end of the relationship. You both go different ways.

Exercise:

Think about your:

Partner
Friends
Family
Colleagues or classmates

In which stages are you? How do you interact with each other? With whom do you want to have or improve a relationship?

Also, think about your parents, grandparents or siblings – how is your relationship with them? Do you want to improve it?

Now I understand that this model does not fit every relationship. You do not get to know your parents or siblings, you grow up with them. But if you want to build friendships or a strong relationship with your partner, you can see in which stage you are.

Problems can often occur when we are stuck in one stage. For example, your friend is moving faster than you from one stage to another. He is able to open up to you about “deeper conversations’ ‘, while you are still trying to keep the conversations at a basic level. In return he might assume that you don’t trust him, because you aren’t sharing your problems with him.

This misunderstanding can be easily dissolved by being open with the other person. Not by saying more than you are comfortable with, but by setting boundaries openly. To build strong relationships takes time. Building trust takes time.

Characteristics you are in a good relationship:

Feeling comfortable
Feeling understood
Trust
Feeling respected
Honesty
Self-Disclosure
Interdependent
Irreplaceability

Check out the full post at lumen – interpersonal communication

Signs you are in a bad relationship:

Avoidance
Exhaustion
Being completely different
Being belittled, depreciated
Unable to forgive
Ghosting
Unable to trust

Exercise 2:

Analyzing the relationship you have with your family, friends or that one important person next door- are there any signs you have a good or bad relationship? Why do you think your relationship is good or bad?

If you want to improve your relationships you need to take a closer look at the characteristics. Is your friend avoiding you? Why? Is it because you grew apart or did you have a conflict? Can this conflict be solved? Or maybe you have a bad relationship with your parents due to past situations and the lack of trust?

4 Ways to build strong relationships:

Be open:

Open up and be comfortable around others. If you feel awkward around others, they will also feel awkward around you. Try to calm your nervosity and be aware of your body language. You may wonder why people react distant when you sit there with your arms crossed.

Listen:

Be there when people need someone who listens to them. Not only will it deepen their trust towards you but you can connect on a deep emotional level if you share the same problems. Make them feel understood and valid. Comfort them. Be there for them. And one day they will be there when you need someone to listen.

Self-Reflect:

Conflicts always come from two people. Stop blaming the counterpart for her/his behaviour. Instead rethink your argument and reflect on your own words: Did you say something that could offend him or her? Or make him feel insecure about himself? If yes, don’t be so stubborn and apologize. If not, then still have a conversation with that person. Forgiveness is a gift.

Start communicating

Did you know that many conflicts start by the lack of communication? At fault are assumptions and misunderstandings that can thorn your relationship apart. Easiest way to solve this issue: If an assumption pops into your head, be open and ask that person instead.

People who might look arrogant and barely talk with anyone can actually be shy and insecure.
People who look at you and simultaneously talk with someone else do not automatically gossip about you.

Be you

I know it is tempting to change yourself to fit in with others or to please your parents. But the truth is, those relationships are already set to fail. How long can you pretend to be someone else until you want nothing more than to be yourself?. Doing the things you like. Being proud of yourself. Following your own values. Relationships are fed with trust and honesty, this also includes you being authentic.

Small things you can do to build strong relationships:

Call your family or friends regularly or make plans to meet
Take time to listen to them
Open up when having problems (is not only good for relationships but also your mental health!)
Surprise them, Show that you think about them!
Never forget their birthdays >_>
Speak openly with the other person
Solve conflicts or avoid them if possible

Exercise 3:

Write down 3 things you can do immediately to improve your relationship with your parents, siblings, grandparents, friends etc.
Do those 3 things within the next 48 hours
Call them now and ask how they are!
How long has it been that you told them I love you? Do that now too!

Need a little inspiration? – Here are 100 People Call Someone I love you

(I see you! Don’t dare to avoid the last task ヾ( ･`⌓´･)ﾉﾞ)

Summary:

Types of Interpersonal Relationships:

- - Friendships
  - Family
  - Romantic
  - Professional

10 Stages to build strong relationships: -Knapp’s Relational Development Model

Stages of Coming Together

1. 1. Initiating:
  2. Experimenting:
  3. Intensifying:
  4. Integrating:
  5. Bonding:

Stages of Coming apart:

6. Differentiating:

7. Circumscribing:

8. Stagnating:

9. Avoiding:

10. Termination:

Characteristics you are in a good relationship:

Feeling comfortable
Feeling understood
Trust
Feeling respected
Honesty
Self-Disclosure
Interdependent
Irreplaceability

Signs you are in a bad relationship:

Avoidance
Exhaustion
Being completely different
Unable to forgive
Ghosting
Unable to trust
Being belittled, depreciated

5 Ways to build strong relationships:

Be open
Listen
Self-Reflect
Start communicating
Be you

Small things you can do to improve relationships:

Call your family or friends regularly or make plans to meet
Take time to listen to them
Open up when having problems (is not only good for relationships but also mental health!)
Surprise them, Show that you think about them!
Never forget their birthdays
Solve conflicts or avoid them if possible
Speak openly with the other person