You probably wonder “why should I boost my listening skill?”. I am a great listener!
But are we really? The modern world is full of information, the noise we hear wherever we go, and whoever we talk to.
A communication partner is no longer needed when we think about the radio voices accompanying us during the workday, or the latest podcast already waiting on our phones.
Do we really listen to everything that is told to us? Is our active listening skill as good as we think it is?
According to the University of Missouri, a study shows that we aren’t the greatest listeners. Actually, our listening skill is “poor and inefficient”, as participants only listened to 45% of what was told.
No wonder our generation struggles to make proper relationships with others when we can’t even follow their words.
Good, that there are proven ways and exercises that can boost your active listening skill for your workplace. We don’t want a fight due to misunderstandings, right?
Are you a bad listener?
“But who says that my listening skill is bad just because those people didn’t do well on the study?”
Good point, so let’s take a test!
Teresa (of Viking + Amish) posted 7 poor listening styles, let’s see if any of those points fit to a situation you had!
- Fake Listening (We pretend to listen, but actually we don’t)
- Stage-Hogging (Moving the attention to us, instead of listening)
- Selective Listening (We only listen to the interesting parts)
- Avoidance Listening (We only listen to the unimportant parts – avoid certain topics)
- Defensive Listening (We feel the need to defend ourselves against what is said)
- Ambushing (Taking in information to use it later against that person)
- Insensitive Listening (We carelessly answer without understanding/ignoring their emotions behind it)
Ain’t gonna lie – I am a horrible listener. Of all the points I am very guilty of selective listening (I actually nailed all seven points so…gathered some great bad listening habits over the years). How about you?
But a bad listening skill is not only limited to verbal communication, non-verbal communication is just as important. Think about one of the most famous examples: “I am fine”.
Of course, she could be fine, but if you see her crunching over and holding her stomach area she might not be as fine as she said.
She could also say “I am fine”, even though her hands are in fists and she is glaring at you from the corner.
Sometimes we need to look behind the facade and listen to the body language too. This way we can figure out what the person actually wants to say to us.
Poor listening skills examples: The 12 Bad listening habits
- Distracting from the conversation
- Jumping to conclusions
- Tune out when it “gets boring”
- Laughing it off
- Only staring at your phone during the conversation
- Interrupting
- Not responding at all
- Making it about yourslef
- Judging way too early
- Being insensitive
- Taking everything personal
- Walking off while the person is still talking
Why is poor listening bad?
Listening is an important factor when it comes to communication.
Just imagine the people close to you. How would you think your relationship would be if you wouldn’t listen to their stories or worries? To their problems or to their exciting news?
You wouldn’t even know who these people are, what food they like, what hobbies they have. You wouldn’t know what makes them happy or sad.
And they also wouldn’t know anything about you.
Why is it important to improve your listening skills?
Listening is important to build deeper relationships with family, friends (and society).
We don’t want fake friends. People who “listen” to us during the day and forget us once we don’t fit into their friend’s group.
We want friends who listen to our struggles, hug us when the world looks dark, and jump in excitement when we hit another milestone in life.
And we want to be amazing friends for them too. Listening means we care for someone. We are interested in their thoughts and feelings and we are ready to take care of them when they don’t have a good time.
Bad Listening skills can cause a bad work atmosphere
Just imagine when Linda tells you THE one story she must have told you for the tenth time.
You simply tune her out while working or thinking about something else. Bad luck that this time she doesn’t stop at her usual ending sentence but instead tells you to lock the door once you leave.
You, completely unaware of your new task and leave the office like usual.
The next day your boss comes over and scolds Linda since she did not lock the door.
Can you imagine how angry Linda will be at you? (Okay maybe not the best example – but by listening you can avoid many misunderstandings and conflicts with your colleagues and reduce prejudices)
Discover your Hidden Skills and Talents here.
You will make fewer mistakes when you listen
Listening also helps you to understand details and important notes that others might not get.
Especially as you can ask questions and solve areas that are still uncertain to you.
This applies to tasks handed by your boss or orders made by customers. Being able to go deeper into customer complaints will also help to build more trust between customers and the company.
Let’s say person A tells you there is a problem with a cable and repairs have to be made.
You go to your boss and explain that person A would like to work longer because of a broken cable. Your boss dismisses the issue. The cable can be fixed tomorrow.
He sends person A home.
Sadly, you weren’t aware that it was the cable to the main server.
Now you might blame that person for being a bad communicator, but if you had listened to why the cable needed fixing you would have known the whole story. Instead, you got half-baked information.
Get your daily journaling prompts to:
- Get to know yourself better
- Reduce stress
- Figure out what you really want.
How can you improve your active listening skill?
Why is listening difficult? How can I make my listening better? And how can you boost your active listening skill?
Bad habits are bad habits. But the good thing is that with a growth mindset, bad habits can be turned into good habits.
And good habits can build our talents and skills (listening skills included!).
The next time you have a conversation and you catch yourself not listening I want you to make a mental note: What exactly are you doing wrong? Check the list of the 12 bad listening habits again.
I want you to focus on those things: If you can’t make eye contact then concentrate on making eye contact.
If you only listen to all the interesting parts then put effort into listening to every single word.
If you can’t empathize with the person, then put yourself into his/her position.
Practice it over and over again and catch yourself when you slip away with your thoughts.
Also, if that person isn’t asking you for advice then don’t give any. Sometimes we just need someone to listen to. And sometimes our advice will make them feel even worse.
According to Cengage, there are 7 active listening skills that you can follow in a conversation:
- Be attentive – put your phone away.
- Ask open-ended questions – this way you keep the conversation going and learn more about the person’s view.
- Ask probing questions.
- Request clarifications – this way you can avoid misunderstandings.
- Paraphrase – to assure you got it right.
- Reflect feelings – how is that person feeling in that moment?
- Summarize.
Active Listening Exercises
- Learn to read people’s body language by watching them closely and taking mental notes (please don’t be creepy). Who is a great listener and what does he do that others don’t?
- See how other people are communicating (listening) with each other and note what they can approve of – then use those examples for self-improvement.
- Who is the best listener that you know? What does that person do differently?
- Ask the cashier how her most complicated customer behaved.
- Ask a colleague in your workplace what he likes about his job field. Show real interest and take it as a chance to really get to know a person better.
- Partner exercise: Draw something that your partner is telling you – do not draw anything or any color that was is not mentioned, instead ask questions (WorkSmart)
If you feel too insecure to talk to strangers you can always ask your friend or family to tell you stories about their past (or stories about your own childhood that you most likely can’t remember anymore)
Concentrate on the message behind people’s words and not as much on what is actually said. You can always make up your own activities to improve listening skills.
Genuinely get interested in that person. Change your mindset. Don’t see listening as a task, but a chance to learn something new about someone.
When you know it’s your colleague’s birthday and you can make it possible for your colleague to leave early you’ll start bonding. Your colleague will know you listened and that you care.
How to let someone know you are listening
There are several ways to show someone you are listening:
Put your phone aside and make comfortable eye contact, nod or show signs you are following and ask questions.
Don’t look around the room nervously but concentrate on them, and if you can’t hold eye contact: stare at their nose or eyebrows.
If that person is sad or nervous you can establish physical contact by giving a hug or putting a hand on his/her shoulder (please consider his body language in advance or ask if that person is okay with it)
That’s it for today’s lesson. How this post will help you to boost your listening skill and maybe even build new and stronger relationships in the future!
Want to improve your interpersonal skills? Read this next:
- Build Instant Rapport with this post on: How to build rapport and connect with people
- Improve your Critical Thinking skills (one of the most important job skills)! + Free CheatSheet
- Learn all about Teamwork Skills here
- Improve your Communication Skills to easily talk with anyone.
