Exploring the Question "Who am I?"
Ever asked yourself “Who am I?” How do you see yourself? If you had to tell someone else who you were what would you tell that person? Probably something about your job, your age, the country you grew up in.
But what story do you tell yourself? What’s your self-image?
Today we will take a deeper look at our self-image, which is greatly linked to our self-esteem: We will find out what our self-image looks like, how it affects our life and how we can create a positive self-image. One that helps us get closer to our goals. Let’s dive right into it.
1. What is the Self-Image?
“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
― Carl R. Rogers, On Becoming a Person: A Therapist’s View of Psychotherapy
In order to explain the Self-Image we use Carl Rogers Theory of Personality. According to Carl Rogers (1959) humans have one basic motivator, to “self-actualize”, to fulfill one’s potential. The Self-Image is explained as a part of the self-concept which is the “the organized, consistent set of perceptions and beliefs about oneself.”
It is made up of three elements:
1. The Self Image:
How we see ourselves and what we think about ourselves. According to Oltmann (2014) this includes:
· How we view our appearance
· How we think about our personality
· How we evaluate our intelligence
· Our social and technical Skills
· Our Values and Principles
· How well we fit into society
2. The Ideal Self:
The ideal self is who we would like to be. The perfect version of us. Successful, Fit, Healthy, Talented. It’s the self we try to achieve.
3. Self-Esteem or Self-Worth:
Our Self-Esteem is how we value our own worth including how we compare ourselves to others. “The closer our self-image and ideal-self are to each other, the more consistent or congruent we are and the higher our sense of self-worth.”- simplypsychology.org
Source: simplypsychology.org
Our Self-Image is evolving and changing over time and so is our ideal self.
2. 10 Examples of a Negative and a Positive Self-Image and how your Self-Image affects your Life
Your self-image lies on a scale between negative and positive:
Positive Self-Image:
If you have a positive self-image you have a good view of yourself. For example:
· You think you have a great character and people like you
· You see yourself as smart
· You like your appearance
· You think you are valuable
· You have your own values
A positive Self-Image means you have good self-esteem and self-confidence. If you have an overly positive self-image you might appear cocky and arrogant.
Negative Self-image:
A negative self-image means you think poorly of yourself. For example:
· You think some of your body parts are ugly
· You think you are stupid
· You think you are worthless
· You don’t fit in
· You follow other peoples values
A negative self-image can cause:
· Hiding parts of your body
· Avoiding Mirrors
· Accepting depreciating comments
· Low-Self Esteem
· Depression
· Questioning your skills
· Social Discomfort
3. 3 Ways to find your current self-image
Before we learn to create a better self-image, let’s answer the question “who am I” and let’s take a look at our current self-image:
Writing Exercise:
Take a piece of paper and answer the question “who am I” Take as much time as you need and just write down whatever comes to your mind. The good and the bad. You can use the previously explained elements of the self-image as a guideline.
Troll Travels
An exercise that I found and really liked is called Troll Travels:
1. Take the information from part one and imagine you are on a journey across three bridges. At each bridge, Trevor the Troll is waiting to take 30% of your qualities as a toll.
2. Every time you cross a bridge you will give 30% of your qualities.
3. Once you reach the end of your journey, you will only have 10% of your qualities left. These are your most valued and most important qualities. The ones you should nurture and exercise.
4. How to create a positive self-image
“Positive thinking is indeed effective, but only when consistent with the overall self-image. Change the self-image first, then positive thinking will be the seeds that fall on fertile soil.” – Kilian Markert
Mirror Exercise – A positive Self Story
· Write down who you are in a positive way, your life story
· What you’ve achieved, how far you’ve already come, which strengths you’ve developed
· For 30 days stand in front of the mirror and read your new self-story to yourself!
· Really act it out
· Tell the story over and over again until your mind believes it.
Journaling – A Change in Perception
Journaling can be a great tool to create a positive self-image. Use the following questions to change your self-perception.
· List 10 Things you Love About Yourself
· List 10 Things you are Grateful for
· List 10 Events/ Achievements you are proud of
· List 10 people you are thankful for
· List 10 of your Talents
Another journaling exercise is to write 3 things you are grateful for in your journal daily.
Make Affirming Experiences
Positive self-talk alone is not enough! If you imagine yourself as a growing plant positive self-talk acts like a fertilizer. In order to really grow and change your self-perception, you need affirming experiences.
Let’s say you think you are lazy. Proof your mind that that assumption is wrong.
Here are 3 negative self-perceptions and positive experiences to undermine those beliefs.
Perception Experience
I have no talents Start a new hobby. Here is a list of hobbies you can try. Start with other beginners and not with the advanced class. Find something you are good at.
I am worthless Ask your family, friends to name positive experiences they made with you and what your positives are.
I am bad with people Join a club or group in your city with the same interests.
Which experiences could you make to change your perception?
Visualization
If you can’t make the experience use the following visualization process:
· Get in a positive mindset – feel great. Think about good memories or what I also like to do turn on positive music. You can also dance and move your body. It will instantly cheer you up.
· Develop a script for your “mental movie”. For example, you picture yourself successfully giving a presentation. Picture the situation and have a clear image of what is happening. How would you feel if you achieved your goal?
· Relax after the exercise. “After practicing your creative mental picturing, the focus should be on relaxation and on letting the subconscious to the work.”
Final Thoughts:
Today we learned a lot about the self-image.
Our key takeaways were that the self-image is a changing concept. It develops over the years. The more similar our self-image and our ideal self are the more self-esteem we will have. We figured out our current self-image and learned methods to create a positive self-image.
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Love from Germany,
Carina and Julia
