Project Girl 2 Woman, Author at ProjectGirl2Woman

“Who am I?” The amazing power of our Self-Image

Exploring the Question "Who am I?"

Ever asked yourself “Who am I?” How do you see yourself? If you had to tell someone else who you were what would you tell that person? Probably something about your job, your age, the country you grew up in.

But what story do you tell yourself? What’s your self-image?

Today we will take a deeper look at our self-image, which is greatly linked to our self-esteem: We will find out what our self-image looks like, how it affects our life and how we can create a positive self-image. One that helps us get closer to our goals. Let’s dive right into it.

1. What is the Self-Image?

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
― Carl R. Rogers, On Becoming a Person: A Therapist’s View of Psychotherapy

In order to explain the Self-Image we use Carl Rogers Theory of Personality. According to Carl Rogers (1959) humans have one basic motivator, to “self-actualize”, to fulfill one’s potential. The Self-Image is explained as a part of the self-concept which is the “the organized, consistent set of perceptions and beliefs about oneself.”

It is made up of three elements:

1. The Self Image:

How we see ourselves and what we think about ourselves. According to Oltmann (2014) this includes:

· How we view our appearance

· How we think about our personality

· How we evaluate our intelligence

· Our social and technical Skills

· Our Values and Principles

· How well we fit into society

2. The Ideal Self:

The ideal self is who we would like to be. The perfect version of us. Successful, Fit, Healthy, Talented. It’s the self we try to achieve.

3. Self-Esteem or Self-Worth:

Our Self-Esteem is how we value our own worth including how we compare ourselves to others. “The closer our self-image and ideal-self are to each other, the more consistent or congruent we are and the higher our sense of self-worth.”- simplypsychology.org

Source: simplypsychology.org

Our Self-Image is evolving and changing over time and so is our ideal self.

2. 10 Examples of a Negative and a Positive Self-Image and how your Self-Image affects your Life

“You act, and feel, not according to what things are really like, but according to the image your mind holds of what they are like. You have certain mental images of yourself, your world, and the people around you, and you behave as though these images were the truth, the reality, rather than the things they represent.”

Your self-image lies on a scale between negative and positive:

Positive Self-Image:

If you have a positive self-image you have a good view of yourself. For example:

· You think you have a great character and people like you

· You see yourself as smart

· You like your appearance

· You think you are valuable

· You have your own values

A positive Self-Image means you have good self-esteem and self-confidence. If you have an overly positive self-image you might appear cocky and arrogant.

Negative Self-image:

A negative self-image means you think poorly of yourself. For example:

· You think some of your body parts are ugly

· You think you are stupid

· You think you are worthless

· You don’t fit in

· You follow other peoples values

A negative self-image can cause:

· Hiding parts of your body

· Avoiding Mirrors

· Accepting depreciating comments

· Low-Self Esteem

· Depression

· Questioning your skills

· Social Discomfort

3. 3 Ways to find your current self-image

Before we learn to create a better self-image, let’s answer the question “who am I” and let’s take a look at our current self-image:

Writing Exercise:

Take a piece of paper and answer the question “who am I” Take as much time as you need and just write down whatever comes to your mind. The good and the bad. You can use the previously explained elements of the self-image as a guideline.

Troll Travels

An exercise that I found and really liked is called Troll Travels:

1. Take the information from part one and imagine you are on a journey across three bridges. At each bridge, Trevor the Troll is waiting to take 30% of your qualities as a toll.

2. Every time you cross a bridge you will give 30% of your qualities.

3. Once you reach the end of your journey, you will only have 10% of your qualities left. These are your most valued and most important qualities. The ones you should nurture and exercise.

4. How to create a positive self-image

“Positive thinking is indeed effective, but only when consistent with the overall self-image. Change the self-image first, then positive thinking will be the seeds that fall on fertile soil.” – Kilian Markert

Mirror Exercise – A positive Self Story

· Write down who you are in a positive way, your life story

· What you’ve achieved, how far you’ve already come, which strengths you’ve developed

· For 30 days stand in front of the mirror and read your new self-story to yourself!

· Really act it out

· Tell the story over and over again until your mind believes it.

Journaling – A Change in Perception

Journaling can be a great tool to create a positive self-image. Use the following questions to change your self-perception.

· List 10 Things you Love About Yourself

· List 10 Things you are Grateful for

· List 10 Events/ Achievements you are proud of

· List 10 people you are thankful for

· List 10 of your Talents

Another journaling exercise is to write 3 things you are grateful for in your journal daily.

Make Affirming Experiences

Positive self-talk alone is not enough! If you imagine yourself as a growing plant positive self-talk acts like a fertilizer. In order to really grow and change your self-perception, you need affirming experiences.

Let’s say you think you are lazy. Proof your mind that that assumption is wrong.

Here are 3 negative self-perceptions and positive experiences to undermine those beliefs.

Perception Experience

I have no talents Start a new hobby. Here is a list of hobbies you can try. Start with other beginners and not with the advanced class. Find something you are good at.

I am worthless Ask your family, friends to name positive experiences they made with you and what your positives are.

I am bad with people Join a club or group in your city with the same interests.

Which experiences could you make to change your perception?

Visualization

If you can’t make the experience use the following visualization process:

· Get in a positive mindset – feel great. Think about good memories or what I also like to do turn on positive music. You can also dance and move your body. It will instantly cheer you up.

· Develop a script for your “mental movie”. For example, you picture yourself successfully giving a presentation. Picture the situation and have a clear image of what is happening. How would you feel if you achieved your goal?

· Relax after the exercise. “After practicing your creative mental picturing, the focus should be on relaxation and on letting the subconscious to the work.”

Final Thoughts:

Today we learned a lot about the self-image.

Our key takeaways were that the self-image is a changing concept. It develops over the years. The more similar our self-image and our ideal self are the more self-esteem we will have. We figured out our current self-image and learned methods to create a positive self-image.

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Love from Germany,

Carina and Julia

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How to determine your ultimate personal list of Core Values – A Core Values Exercise

Project Girl 2 Woman

How to determine your ultimate personal list of Core Values

What have your parents been teaching you as a child? Be honest? Be diligent, be compassionate. Maybe you have been raised by a family who puts emphasis on sharing, fun, family or freedom. Or perhaps your family was strict, expecting excellence and respect. Both families are neither good nor bad. They just have different core values. Different perceptions of life.

As we grow up we get input from various people. Our friends, our family, our teachers and even our favourite TV shows and our favourite kids books taught us values.

What’s been your favourite show? And what did it teach you about life?

Today’s post should help you define your own core values, which are super important in defining your goals later on. Let’s say your core value is stability and you want to become a freelancer who never knows when he or she gets paid. Or your core value is empathy and you want to become a psychologist. If your core values align with your goals it’s more likely that you will achieve them.

A Simple Core Value Exercise

1. Write down all the values you think you have. Use the following questions as a guide:

Which values are important to you?
When have you felt really happy, proud, or confident? Which values were at play?
For additional values read the Schwartz theory of basic values explained down below!
Or check the list of Core Values

2. Group all similar values.

3. Shorten your list to 3 to 5 values.

List of Core Values

To add theory to this small but interesting topic, the Schwartz Theory of Basic Values will be explained.

Shalom H. Schwartz is a social psychologist, cross-cultural researcher and
creator of the Theory of Basic Human Values – Wikipedia

The Schwartz Theory of Basic Values names the 6 main features of a value, but mostly it is known for its 10 broad values. The theory also includes the relationship between them.

Following this information, you will learn about core values and how they interact with each other. Additionally you will be inspired to think about your own values and how they impact your life. So let’s get started!

What are Values?

According to the Oxford dictionary, values are “principles or standards of behaviour; one’s judgement of what is important in life.”

This gives you a basic idea of what values are. To go into more detail according to Shalom H. Schwartz, values have six main features:

Values are beliefs (which trigger emotions)
Values refer to desirable goals
Values transcend specific actions and situations
Values serve as standards or criteria.
Values are ordered by importance
The relative importance of multiple values guides action.

You can read the full script here:

Lets say your value is performance: You always want to achieve the best possible outcome (goal). You work hard (action) and look – you get good results. So, you try even harder and harder. You feel proud and satisfied by what you accomplish (emotions). But then, one day you get the bad news. An F or a Failed project. For the first time in your career/school life you have failed. How did this happen? You feel devastated, frustrated or even angry (emotions)! So what will your next step be? You will take action! Ask for feedback and work harder. Why? Because it is one of your core values to excel.

Both situations are an indicator that performance is one of your values. If you perform well you feel good. But if your performance is poor you feel bad about yourself.

Let’s say learning is not one of your values. Learning by itself doesn’t really trigger emotions (except frustration maybe) You have no urge to study, why would you? It’s boring! In that case other values will drive you to study, like making your parents proud or honoring your superiors.

While all values have the above mentioned features, they differ, according to Schwartz in their motivations. As you know, there are many known values like forgiveness, justice, fame, religion etc.. Just some of them are grouped with the same goal. For example, forgiveness is a part of benevolence, while fame is connected to a motivation for power.

Broad Values by Schwartz' Theory of Basic Human Values

Schwartz, grouped values into “ten broad values according to the motivation that underlies each of them” Let me show you a quick summary:

“Self-Direction :independent thought and action–choosing, creating, exploring”

Includes values like: creativity, freedom, choosing own goals, curious, independent

“Stimulation : excitement, novelty, and challenge in life”

Includes values like: a varied life, an exciting life, daring

“Hedonism : pleasure or sensuous gratification for oneself”

Includes values like: pleasure, enjoying life, self-indulgent

“Achievement: personal success through demonstrating competence according to social standards”

Includes values like : ambitious, successful, capable, influential

“Power: social status and prestige, control or dominance over people and resources”

Includes values like: authority, wealth, social power, social recognition, preserving my public image

“Security :safety, harmony, and stability of society, of relationships, and of self”

Includes values like: social order, family security, national security, clean, reciprocation of favors, healthy, sense of belonging

“Conformity: restraint of actions, inclinations, and impulses likely to upset or harm others and violate social expectations or norms”

Includes values like: obedient, self-discipline, politeness, honoring parents and elders

“Tradition :respect, commitment, and acceptance of the customs and ideas that one’s culture or religion provides”

Includes values like: respect for tradition, humble, devout, accepting my portion in life

“Benevolence :preserving and enhancing the welfare of those with whom one is in frequent personal contact “

Includes values like: helpful, honest, forgiving, responsible, true friendship, mature love

“Universalism understanding, appreciation, tolerance, and protection for the welfare of all people and for nature”

Includes values like: broadminded, social justice, equality, world at peace, world of beauty, unity with nature, wisdom, protecting the environment

You are probably wondering: Why are we learning about all of this if we could just look up random values online and scribble them down? The more detailed you work, the more you will get out of it.

But let me show you what Schwartz also included in his writing:

The relationship between Values:

The Structure of Value Relations (Source: Schwartz S.H., 2012)

Self Direction,Stimulation and Hedonism are a part of being open to change. While security, conformity and tradition are part of being conservative. Did you know that people with fixed mindsets are more conservative? Which core values do you think have a role in this? (Don’t worry about fixed or growth mindset they will come at a later point of time! Just a food for thought here)

Schwartz also explains that Self-Enhancement and Conservative Values have a connection to “ anxiety, prevention of loss and Self-protection against threat”. While, on the other hand, Openness to change and Self-Transcendence are values related to being “Anxiety free”, or have to do with “ Promotion of Gain, Self-expansion and Growth)

The Schwartz theory can help us define values for our goals. You want to be more open to change? Concentrate on Stimulation, Self-Direction, Or maybe you want to become a better you? Then concentrate on Self Enhancement Values instead! Swap some of the previously conditioned values for more useful ones

Core Value Exercise Part 2:

Grab your previous paper and a pen and start adding your new core value ideas. You can use Schwartz’ header values as a guideline.

Think about what core values you have right now
Rank them by current importance
Write down which core values you want to have
Cross out some values that aren’t useful

If you need a source of (a huge list of) values: click here.

Setting your core values can have a huge difference in life. You will finally see why some situations make you feel a certain emotion or react a certain way. Knowing your values can help you make decisions in life such as your career or family choices. They can also help you to declutter life or end relationships that make you more sad than happy.

It is important to learn about your core values as they have a lot of impact on your actions and decisions, but for now we’re gonna stop here. I hope this post helped you to get a clearer view of your values.

Have a great week and see you in the next lesson!

<< INTRO LESSON 2 >>

Reference: Schwartz, S., (2012), An Overview of the Schwartz Theory of Basic Values, The Hebrew University of Jerusalem, Online Readings in Psychology and Culture, Article 11, online at URL: https://scholarworks.gvsu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1116&context=orpc

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Lost After Finishing your Studies? – Discover Yourself Through Your Self-Beliefs

Project Girl 2 Woman

Did you know that who you think you are, defines who you actually are?

Let’s say you believe yourself to be someone creative. Your mind will find a way to prove to yourself that indeed you are someone creative. You will look for creative exercises and volunteer for creative tasks at work.

If you think you are great at math you will actually enjoy doing math exercises. Maybe you’ll help explain it to other students. On the other hand, if you think you are a total math noob you might think what’s the point in trying. (Is noob still a thing people say?)

Don’t believe me?

Try this:

Stand straight, lift your arms at the front and next rotate around your own axis without moving your feet as far as you can get. How far did you get?
Next in your mind imagine doing a full turn. Imagine how your arms move. How you feel after doing the full turn. Feel that rotation.
Now do the turn again in real life. See any changes?

If you have any health issues you are recommended not to try this!

Most likely you will have gotten further that second time around. When I did this exercise the first time, I was shocked by how much further I got. That first time you got as far as you believed you would get. With a simple mental exercise, this belief was changed. This is a great example to show you how much our own beliefs can limit us.

How to Change Your Life

In an ideal life, we would work at our full capacity. But more often we limit ourselves with what we believe is our truth. Our limiting beliefs are our ceiling. They are your self-imposed limits. Our boundaries we need to break.

Often, they are caused by what our parents, social circle, or our environment has told us over many years. Give 10 example of beliefs you have about yourself:

What are 10 of your self-beliefs?	Are they positive or negative?	Who caused those beliefs?	Is that source believable?

We are made up of a lot of beliefs. Some of my beliefs in life are useful and some are limiting. What are examples of common beliefs in your country?

Positive self beliefs examples in life

Negative Self Beliefs Examples In Life

In order to have a good life we need to have a realistic self-image or as Dr. Maltz summarized it:

To really “live,” that is, to find life reasonably satisfying, you must have an adequate and realistic self-image that you can live with. You must find your “self” acceptable to “you.” You must have a wholesome self-esteem. You must have a self that you can trust and believe in. You must have a self that you are not ashamed to “be,” and one that you can feel free to express creatively, rather than hide or cover up. You must have a self that corresponds to reality so that you can function effectively in a real world. You must know yourself — both your strengths and your weaknesses — and be honest with yourself concerning both. Your self-image must be a reasonable approximation of “you,” being neither more than you are nor less than you are.

As you go through the posts and take part in the exercises you will slowly see a positive change in your life. The one thing I learned over the years.

Change Only Comes From Experience And Action.

Just think about it even in computer games you have to gain experience to level up. In other words, you need to take action. In the same way, movie characters make experiences before they change. When something drastic happens we also often change. But rather than being forced to change by an external event. Let’s do it on our terms.

Over the next lessons, we will take a deeper look at ourselves. Amongst others, we will find out our core beliefs, our drivers, our values, and our self-stories. How they impact us. If those beliefs are beneficial to us and if not, how we can change them.

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Love from Germany,

Julia and Carina

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