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3 Simple Steps to overcoming your fears + Karl Albrecht’s 5 basic fears theory

Fear is like a worried mother bear. As soon as something seems the tiniest bit dangerous, she will jump in and hold us back. Sometimes we have to tell her I am quite capable of handling this. I know you worry about me, but I can do this! If you wonder: “How do I find my fear and how do I conquer fear?” keep reading!

The 5 Most Common Types of Fears and how they affect our Life:

According to Dr. Karl Albrecht, there are 5 types of basic fears. All of our fears are in one way or another linked to our 5 basic fears. Regardless of what we fear the biological reaction is always the same. Let’s take a look:

 

The Fear of Extinction/ Death

The fear of stopping to exist, to die, to being forgotten. If you have such a fear, you might:

  • Try to build a legacy.
  • Worry about death more than others.
  • Have a fear of heights, the ocean, flying

that might cause your death.

The Fear of Mutilation / Being Hurt

This is the fear of losing parts of our body, getting hurt, having our body invaded. If we are afraid of Mutilation, we might:

  • Fear certain animals.
  • Be afraid of situations that might cause bodily harm.
  • Therefore, we might avoid certain places and situations.

The Fear of Losing our Autonomy / Freedom

The Fear of having someone tell you what to do, being stuck, imprisoned “immobilized, paralyzed, restricted, enveloped, overwhelmed, entrapped, imprisoned, smothered” (- Albrecht). If you are afraid of losing your autonomy you might:

  • Rebel against your partner/ parents.
  • Be controlling.
  • Be afraid of becoming sick.
  • Have nightmares about traps.

The Fear of Separation / Abandonment

The Fear of Separation includes being abandoned, rejected, not valued, or disconnected from people. If you are afraid of Separation, you might: 

  • Not approach people you are interested in.
  • End relationships before the other person can.
  • Be really affected by the “Silent-Treatment”.
  • Wait for the people around you to leave you.
  • Be anxious about the death of loved ones.
  • Be clingy.

 

The Fear of Ego-death / Humiliation

The fear of being shamed, disapproved of, humiliated. If you have that fear you might:

  • Worry about humiliating yourself.
  • Not state your opinion.
  • Worry about other people’s opinion of you. 
  • A fear of puplic speaking.

How do we overcome fear?

Our Fear is linked to:

  • The Expected Degree of Danger
  • The Expected likelihood of a negative outcome
  • Our Coping abilities

For example:

  • Let’s say we try to achieve a handstand. We are afraid to get hurt. We probably won’t think we will die doing a handstand. Maybe the danger is a sprained wrist.

 

We can decrease our estimated degree of danger by reducing the risks e.g., ask someone to hold us. Lay out mats. Practice small steps. Think about your fear. How could you reduce the risks?

 

  • How likely it is that we get hurt depends on a few factors. Are we good at sports? Is there a mat? Have we done something similar before?

 

The best way to reduce our expected likelihood of a negative outcome is by proving to our brain the exercise is safe. We can imagine a positive outcome as a first step. We can watch people successfully do the handstand. If they can do it, surely, we can do it too?  Next, we might try small steps towards the exercise despite our fear. And finally, we have to do the handstand a few times.

  • Last but not least, even if we hurt ourselves can we cope with the results? Can we still do our job?

 

The trust in our coping abilities comes with experience. Look at all the fears you’ve had and how you overcame them. The hard situations you have lived through. You will realize you can cope with more than you expected.

 

Therefore, in order to improve our fears, we have 3 options.

  1. We can decrease the degree of the expected negative outcome.
  2. We can minimize the likelihood of the negative outcome.
  3. Or we can work on our coping abilities. 

10 Questions To Find Your Biggest Fears:

  1. Is there something you really want to do, but you aren’t because you are scared? What do you think the negative outcome might be?  
  2. Do you avoid certain tasks/ experiences?
  3. What makes you feel uncomfortable?
  4. What is the scariest job you can think of?
  5. If you went on a 1-year adventure, what would you be worried about?
  6. When you watch a movie what disturbs you the most?
  7. How do your fears impact your daily life?
  8. Which phobia category best describes you? Pain, Animals, Humiliation, Drowning?
  9. Do you like rollercoasters?
  10. How would you feel if you had to audition for a movie?

To Sum It Up…

There Are 5 Basic Types Of Fears.

  • The fear of Extinction
  • The Fear of Mutilation
  • The Fear of Losing Autonomy
  • The Fear of Separation
  • The Fear of Ego-Death

In Order To Reduce Our Fear We Can Either:

  1. decrease the degree of the expected negative outcome.
  2. minimize the likelihood of the negative outcome.
  3. improve our coping abilities. 

That’s it for today!  Check out our full How to Change Your Life Series if you didn’t do so already and have a great weekend! 

For updates follow us on:

 

Pinterest:  projectgirl2woman

Instagram:  projectgirl2woman

Twitter:  @girl2_woman

 

Love from Germany,

 

Carina and Julia

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Do this when you are always tired -> Know your Energizers & Drainers

Are you tired? Slept for 12 hours but still feel like a train hit you?

 

Today I woke up and felt like a wet sock. I could barely keep my eyes open. And working out felt more tedious than ever. So I wondered how can I gain energy fast? How can I feel more active and energetic? To get the motivation to get at least some stuff done (No high expectations there…) .

 

I imagined we are all like little phones. Some stuff depletes our battery (drainers)  and some things charge us (energizers). When you know your energizers and drainers you can use them to gain energy and stop the depletion.

So I decided to charge myself just like a phone 😉 

Let’s take a look how energizers and drainers work and how you can “charge” yourself: 

Energizers and Drainers

What are Energy Drainers:

“Energy drainers are those things that we are tolerating, ignoring, or putting up with that are draining us of our precious energy.” –  Old town athletic campus

How to get your Energy back:

There are three ways to get your energy back: You either remove drainers from your life, you add energizers or you add energizers and remove drainers.

Energizer

Energizer Examples:

Use these for some energy boosts! Find out what works best for you! 

Time off

Maybe You've Reached The Point Where Your Battery Is So Depleted You Turn Off

Life can be stressful, especially when you work towards your goals while having a 9-5 job. Even though a break might seem impossible at the moment it is definitely worth taking one if you want to increase your energy levels. (Also, a break doesn’t necessarily have to be a full week, it can be one evening without a single thought about work, it can be a 5 minute walk or a comedy movie.

Little self-care acts

Another energy booster is self care. Self-care is great as it doesn’t take a lot of time but instead are small simple acts during the day.  

  • Take a cold or hot shower
  • Make your favorite tea. 
  • Buy yourself flowers. 
  • Go shopping.

Working out/Jogging

This is a long-term Solution

Half asleep? Get your heart beating. The Centers of Disease Control and Prevention recommends a weekly input of 150 minutes of Moderate-intensity aerobic activity (biking, dancing, brisk walking, hiking)  or 75 minutes of Vigorous-intensity aerobic activity (running, swimming, ball sport, gymnastics) . Additionally you should add Muscle-strengthening activities on 2 days per week. Sounds a lot?  Calculated it is only 30min of exercise per day. Not only will it boost your energy but also your health!

Drinking drinks with electrolytes

This is a quick solution 😉

Electrolytes “ regulate nerve and muscle function, hydrate the body, balance blood acidity and pressure, and help rebuild damaged tissue”- Medical News Today. The author also states that electrolytes in a body include sodium, potassium,calcium,bicarbonate, magnesium, chloride and phosphate. Which means that an imbalance causes excessive tiredness and weakness. Taking care of your electrolytes is another way to keep your energy levels in check. (Be aware! You can also have too many electrolytes!)

Eating healthy meals

Another long term solution. Have a healthy diet for high energy levels. Here are the best and worst foods to boost your energy.

Being creative (reading, playing instruments, drawing)

Boring tasks are so … dull. No wonder you get tired. Instead do something creative. Learna new hobby. Engange your brain. 

How can I get energy right now? Quick Energizers:

Here are some quick energizers to feel active and energetic. Figure out which ones work best for you to recharge when you are tired: 

  • Powernap 10 Minutes
  • Don’t move your head but look up 
  • Drink a cup of cold water
  • Rinse your hands under cold water (I do that) 
  • Get fresh air.
  • Do some Jumping Jacks
  • Sing a song (loudly + dance)
  • Get a little sunshine. 
  • I tidy up (relieves my stress) 
Energizer

Drainer Examples:

Bad sleep cycle

A bad sleep cycle could be not sleeping enough, sleeping too much, or sleeping at the wrong times. According to healthline, sleeping too much can cause low energy, anxiety, memory problems, and headaches. A lack of sleep, on the other hand, can cause “fatigue, short temper and a lack of focus” – NHS. Sleeping at unusual times can either come from your lifestyle (studying till late at night or having night shifts) or it could be the Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome (DSPS). DSPS is a problem with your body clock and thereby makes you sleep at a later point in time. If you have symptoms of DPSP – please contact a doctor for a proper diagnosis.

Not drinking enough

Surrounding yourself with draining people

They suck you out like “turning on the location on your phone”. Stay away from people that uncharge you. 

Unbalanced Diet

I think the most unhealthy meals are junk food and quick meals found in supermarkets. Why? Because they contain a high amount of carbs (and fat and sugar and a lot more that is unknown to the consumer) But carbs have a really bad impact on your energy level. Even though after consumption your energy will increase for a short while, you will soon after be met with being exhausted and tired – The Daily Meal.  Make your own meals, add a ton of vegetables and fruits, and you will see how your energy level increases.

Immediately checking your phone after waking up

Checking your phone right in the morning not only wastes a lot of time but it also causes stress and anxiety – Medium. The reason why it is part of the drainers is the brain capacity we waste right off the bat. According to Srini Pillay  we only can focus for a certain amount. If we focus for too long we will get tired and can’t concentrate properly. If we start our day with Social Media we literally waste the time we can focus best.

Spending too much time in front of a screen

You know we work in front of the screen. I think we spend most of our time in front of a screen so it’s not easy to avoid the screen. But at least after work we can do something that doesn’t involve thechnology. 

Constant stress level

Bottling up your emotions

Keeping everything in isn’t healthy. Something that you probably already know. But why? Because it  can turn into emotional exhaustion making you feel drained once again. According to healthline it also has following symptoms: lack of motivation, trouble sleeping, irritability, fatigue, increased pessimism

Are you an Energizer or Drainer?

But energy drivers are not only actions and situations. You, as a person, can give or drain other people from energy ( Leadership and Change Magazine). Just think about one person that makes you feel super drained after a conversation. Why do you think is the person draining energy? What are his words, his body language, his emotions?

 

Now think about yourself. Are you having the same aura? Do you think you give or drain the energy of others? 

Oh no! I think I am  draining them. What do I do?

Change your energy levels. Change the way you are thinking. Of course you can always add the energizers mentioned above to raise your own energy and hope that you automatically will change your influence on others

Just think about someone who is hangry. He spits out mean and hurting words and in general is just exhausting to be around. But if that person eats a good amount of food he will transform into a very happy and gentle person who makes you laugh a lot. He will bring you energy once he is no longer hungry. 

 

If adding energizers to your life is not enough you need to change the way you are thinking. Being pessimistic and spreading pessimistic thoughts is draining. Instead of telling others about giving up you can motivate them.  Instead of talking about controversial topics like politics, religion, etc you can talk about recent events that bring joy to both of you. Don’t take life too seriously. Instead  use your humor and character to make others laugh.

Energizer

Exercise:

Find out your personal drainers and energizers. Think about a person or situation that gives you physical or emotional strength. It could be your cat,  pineapple pizza or a cool game. When you are sad or frustrated what lifts your mood? 

Then think about what drains you: Was it  a bad result or an exhausting conversation?  Or do you have to make a really hard decision? 

Think about it. Write it down. Remove drainers and add what gives you energy instead. 

That’s it for today! Check out our full How to Change Your Life Series if you didn’t do so already and have a great weekend! See you in Lesson 8 🙂

<< LESSON 6 

If you enjoyed the content, please register for our newsletter. We update every Saturday/ Sunday.

Also, for updates follow us on:

 

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Love from Germany,

 

Carina and Julia

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Lovely Mother’s Day Surprise – Gift your Mom a Perfect Day with These Ideas

Good Morning Sunshine, with mother’s day coming up we want to show you how we create the perfect mother’s day surprise for our mom. You can use this information to find ideas to spoil your mom. We always try to start a day before so mother’s day is stress-free!

Mother’s Day Preparation Day:

1. Cause A Distraction

 

In order to surprise our Mom, we need her to leave the house for a while. Now it’s time to get her partner, some family members, or friends to take her out. 


You can plan this in advance. You might: 

  • Gift her with a spa day
  • Ask someone to take her out for dinner and a movie
  • Plan a trip

 

Mother's Day Surprise Idea

2. Prepare A Mother’s Day Dessert ​

Mother's Day Surprise Gift

 

Think about what kind of desert your mom would like. Our Mom loves cake, Tiramisu, Cream Puffs and Braided Bread. Check out Pinterest for Mother’s Day Dessert Ideas!

Since you want to have time for your Mom on Mother’s Day prepare the dessert for afternoon coffee in advance.

 

3. Craft her a Mother’s Day Surprise Gift Card

Each year we would create our Mom a sincere gift card. Our Mom likes it, when our presents are thoughtful. Don’t just buy a gift at the counter. Create one!

Here are some gift card ideas. The cute thing each year our Mom would keep the cards. Tell your mom why she is the most awesome mom ever!

You can include: 

  • A message from the heart
  • A cute Poem 
  • Pictures you took together
  • A coupon for quality time together

4. Do some Pre-Mother’s Day Cleaning

Mother's Day Surprise Gift

 

Which Mom doesn’t like it, when you clean up her place? Ok well don’t answer that :’) 

Our Mom likes it, when we take over some house chores. Just don’t throw anything or Mother’s Day might end bloody. Some tasks like mowing the lawn are exhausting for her. Therefore, you can use the time she is away to help her out. 

 

5. Do your Mother’s Day Shopping!


We will prepare food on Mother’s Day. Breakfast, lunch, afternoon coffee, and dinner. Now it’s time to get all the stuff that you need.  It’s also your chance to get a last-minute present. 😉 

6. Prepare Cute Notes for Mother’s Day

 

We are planning to write cute little notes and hide them where we do something for her. 

For example, a note that says: 

  • Because you always cook for us
  • Because you always support us

Mother’s Day

1. Wake up Early

Our goal is to wake up early and to prepare everything before our mother wakes up. This can be a real mission as our mom wakes up super early 🙂

  • Go to bed early
  • Set several alarms or let your siblings wake you up (Be careful so that the volume doesn’t wake up your mom 😉)

2. Pick Wild Flowers

 

Our Mom loves flowers from the fields. As soon as we get up we go out and pick some flowers. We sometimes borrow some from our grandma’s garden as well 😉

It’s a family tradition she always used to pick wildflowers for her Mom as well. 

3. Hide the Notes


Once we are back we will hide the cute notes we prepared yesterday all around the house. 

Surprise Mother's Day GIft Idea

4. Make Breakfast

Bread with butter and marmalade. Our mother’s favorite breakfast. 

Cute breakfast ideas: 

  • Heart-shaped pancakes with Nutella and strawberries
  • Bake a heart-shaped bread
  • A nicely decorated yogurt cup with blueberries

5. Cuddle Mom Awake

What makes someone feel more loved than being woken up with a hug? Hopefully, she is still asleep or at least stayed in bed until then. 

6. Present her with a Self-Written Poem

Roses are red

Violets are blue

I can’t rhyme but so can’t you. – Carina

Hey, at least I am trying! – Julia

Just kidding, write something sweet! 

7. Give her a Massage

The more children the better! Each child can massage a limb.

8. Take Pictures Together throughout the day

My sister has an Instax. For such occasions, we bring out the big guns :’) We spend hardly enough time with our parents as we grow up. Pictures are perfect for lasting memories! 

 9. Prepare her favorite dish for lunch

 The way to a (wo)man’s heart is through his (her) stomach. So let’s grab the pots and pans and prepare some yummy food! 

Meal ideas for Mother’s Day: 

  • Crunchy Salmon with a light lemon marinade and buttered vegetables
  • Baked chicken in a juicy mushroom sauce, wild rice, and a small salad on the side
  • Homemade bolognese sauce with spaghetti and fresh basil leaves.
      •  

10. Do the Dishes

Mother's Day Surprise Gift


Now, this is the real way to a mother’s heart. 💘Doing the dishes. Breakfast, lunch, coffee, dinner that’s a lot of dishes! Don’t leave them up to your mom. That would be right evil.

11. Take a walk

What can you do despite the pandemic? Taking a walk. Lucky us we are living close to a national park.I really hope the weather will be nice. Since our grandma has passed we visit her grave each Mother’s Day as well.

12.  Present the Cake

 

🍰 

13. Prepare a Barbecue, Snacks and Wine

 

This year we are planning to do a barbecue! I am very excited about that. The weather is finally getting nicer. We will prepare some snacks in advance and make it fancy with some wine and candles.

Mother's Day Surprise Gift

14. Watch her favorite movie

Romance. Romance. And more romance! Today our mother will be the remote queen!

Wrapping it Up …

Whatever you do for your mother on Mother’s Day. Put some effort into it. Show her how much you care! Gift her with your time. Be mindful and really think about what she wants. Time is so precious. For all of you Mothers and Kids out there we hope you spend some amazing quality time together. Or if that’s not possible have a great Skype Date! 

Love from Germany, 

Julia & Carina

 

If you enjoyed the content, please register for our newsletter. We update every Saturday/ Sunday. Also, for updates follow us on:

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[NEW] START HERE with the HOW TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE SERIES: 

[U1/ Intro] Specific Ways To Find Yourself – How To Change Your Life

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