expectations vs reality - Are your Expectations hurting you ?!

Or how they influence our behavior ...

Today’s topic is all about expectations vs reality. We all face them throughout our lives. Maybe it’s our mom expecting us to get a “good” job. Society for us to follow a certain path. Or ourselves when we expect results after working really hard. Expectations follow us wherever we are: How we handle and if we accept them is what matters!

According to Google, expectations are defined as :”a strong belief that something will happen or be the case.”

Types of Expectations

We can group expectations into three groups:

Towards ourselves

Having good grades from studying
Losing weight when working out
Expecting results even though we just starting working on a project

Towards others

Having friends/family to lean on when sad
Getting a promotion when doing a good job
Expecting our prayers to come true

Others have towards us

By society:

Following the rules (Laws, regulations etc – can be by society, in school, in church)
Being polite
Sometimes dressing in a certain way (no tattoos, colorful hair etc)

By family members:

Helping out when necessary
Staying close
Being honest and respectful

Each individual is met with different expectations. Depending on many factors such as:

- - your families values
  - the culture you grew up in
  - the circle of friends you made
  - the place you live in
  - your workplace
  - and last but not least your own expectations

In order to know what impacts your decision making and your goal planning you should be aware of what is expected from you.

Otherwise you can decide on goals based on expectations rather than on your true wants. We are all about creating your ideal life based on your individual wishes.

Exercise 1:

Think about you and the people around you:

What kind of expectations do you face every day by society, your family, the people surrounding you, and by yourself? What do you expect from them?

Take a piece of paper and write down which expectations influence your decisions.

John Johnson of Psychology Today explained the concept of “The law of attraction”, which is “the ability to attract into our lives whatever we are focusing on” (TheLawofAttraction.com). Assuming that the concept is true, this would mean that if we expect something to come true it will. Kinda like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Therefore, if we expect someone to like us, our behaviour towards them will be different compared to, when we expect them to dislike us.

Just think about your body language when you have positive expectations on someone. Usually you will stand a bit closer or maybe interact with that person more. Meanwhile you act more passive or negative around people you have negative expectations on.

Example:

Imagine there is a new girl at your workplace. She doesn’t talk with any of you and keeps avoiding you. You expect she doesn’t like you very much. So your behaviour towards her is negative. But remember expectations are just beliefs. They don’t have to be true. Maybe the girl is just shy? Your expectations might have wrongfully impacted your behavior. She might have been an amazing friend.

Whether the law of attraction is true or not, (we always disagree on how true it is), do agree that our expectations impact our behavior, our thoughts and our emotions.

Rather than being controlled by expectations, awareness helps us with making more balanced decisions. But, there aren’t just negative expectations. Actually there are two types.

Negative Expectations vs Positive Expectations

Negative Expectations:

– are, like the name says, negative. Let me give you an example: You have to present the sales results of your client and you are very insecure about presenting:

“I will embarrass myself in front of all my colleagues and my boss. Oh, what if I stutter and look super unprofessional? Everyone will know how bad I am at presenting!” You expect to do a bad job.

Meanwhile a person with positive expectations might think the exact opposite: “Alright, I didn’t prepare that much, but I know I ace presentations. This will be easy-peasy.”

See the difference? One person is expecting doom while the other person expects amazing results.

Exploreable states that “Negative expectations lead to negative behaviors”, which also assumes that positive expectations lead to positive behaviors right?

Maybe the person who has so many doubts about himself will actually stutter throughout the presentation. Meanwhile the person with the positive expectations gains strength and confidence, because he truly believes that he will nail it.

Think about a situation in your life where you expected something to go wrong and it did. For example, you were expecting to fail your driver’s test – and it turns out you overlooked the stop sign …

Now think about a situation (may it be you or another person you witnessed) where a situation looked hopeless but somehow that person turned the situation around and nailed it?

Some would say a wonder has occurred – but what if it was not a wonder but rather positive expectations and a positive mindset?

* Warning: Extremely positive expectations can be negative. Expecting one doesn’t have to study for one’s finals might be wrong. Overly positive expectations can lead to disappointment.

Look at the previously collected expectations – are the impacts negative or positive? Have you even thought about positive effects? How can you use expectations?

Are expectations a bad thing?

Not necessarily. Like most things in life, expectations have both positive and negative impacts. It depends on which expectation you face:

Negative Impacts can be:

Feeling overwhelmed
Feeling Pressured
Feeling anxious
Being Unhappy (as your expectation and others expectations towards you are contradicting)
Feeling Self-Doubt (Expecting to fail)
Being Disappointed

Positive impacts on your life can be:

Being motivated
Being more productive
Gaining confidence (when people praise you)
Being optimistic

Wrapping up Expectations vs Reality

If the expectations from people close to you make you feel bad instead of motivating you, try to tell them how you feel. Feeling overwhelmed and pressured, causes stress and reduces performance and productivity.

The same goes for you: If you expect too much from yourself it is time to have a talk with yourself! Are your expectations realistic?

Alright, we are at the end of this lesson! I leave a very interesting video for you (it’s about expectations 😉 ) And hope we will see each other next weekend! Also, if you want to learn more about yourself: Check out the How To Change Your Life Series! (This is lesson 11)