Everyone has fears. Small children might be scared of monsters under their bed or what’s lurking in the dark. But even grown ups carry their fears around. Some have accompanied us since our childhood, some were formed by society and life. While most fears don’t keep us from having a nice life others can have a huge impact on our careers and relationships.
What are your fears?
The first task is to reflect on yourself and to think about everything that scares you. Whether we are afraid of heights or of our next dentist visit, everything is legit. Even though I have many fears on my list I’d like to share my fear of spiders but also the fear of being social. Both fears have the same impact on me: I am terribly scared of both of them. While the fear of spiders usually ends in a loud scream and me threatening the poor little creature with a slipper to leave, the fear of being social definitely has a more severe impact on my life.
How do they hinder you?
Before I go deeper into why the second fear has a deeper impact, I want to give you the next task: Write down how they hinder you. It could be that you are an amazing comedian and you love what you do but your stage fright just keeps you from appearing publicly. Or your dream car requires you to have a driver’s license, but you are scared of driving and thereby don’t dare to apply. Write down a few words for each fear.
Now before we move on: The social fear.
Being scared of social interactions definitely hinders you in many areas of your life. Practicing hours before meetings on what you say, shaky hands and a rapid heartbeat to just make a short call. You fear to speak up in case you embarrass yourself terribly. You don’t dare to say something in class, just in case you get it wrong and people laugh at you.
Not only does this behaviour say alot about your confidence but it also gives you hardships when it comes to school and work performance. Do you know that feeling? You might also have the fear of being social. Being unable to present yourself in interviews and presentations makes it hard for you to prove yourself worthy for a job or promotion. You might have great ideas but you never state them. It just holds you back from living life. But:
How would life be without the hindrance?
This third point helps, and helped me the most with fighting my fears. I just imagine how life would be without those fears. Being able to talk freely. Being able to bungee jump off a high building. Being able to just enter the plane. To just watch the lightning in awe. Or to just enjoy the time being alone. Wouldn’t it be amazing to just lift these chains we were bound to all this time?
What caused those fears?
But, to unlock the chains we need to find the key. And just with most mental barriers, fears also were triggered by either bad past experiences or our survival instincts. It wasn’t hard for me to figure out why I was scared of social interactions. Already in middle school people laughed at what I said. Sometimes for entertainment purposes, sometimes to hurt me.
At that moment I was very insecure about how people reacted towards me, so I tried my best to avoid negative feedback by avoiding interactions in general. Even though people left and came into my life, the fear of embarrassing myself in front of others stayed. Where did your fears come from? Is someone you grew up with scared of something and you just mirror his/her behaviour? Have you been in an accident, bullied or in any similar situation that had an impact on your life? Write it down.
It’s great to know where our fears come from. But without action there is no change. So our next step is to find one simple way on how we can fight it. Simple and easy. You don’t need the Eiffel Tower to fight your fear of heights. (But you need a driver’s license to fight your fear of driving!) You could look for a very high building you can visit or a nice hiking route.You could find someone who has a pet spider and meet with her. You could ask a friend to fly with you if you are afraid of flying. Or you could take part of a swimming course if you are afraid to drown. If you are scared of social interactions: So go and do things alone, dare to give someone a compliment or just raise your hand in class.
Do it anyway.
At one point you will be standing there, nauseous, with shaky knees and sweaty hands. And you will have to choose if you want to push through or give in. This is what fears do to us. Take a deep breath, remember why you have to do this and just act. The more often you will fight through these uncomfortable situations the easier they get.What I have learned over the past 12 months is that fears are like a muscle: You have to train them regularly to keep them strong. Being in lock down definitely threw me back with my progress, yet there is no way that I give up on my goal of being fearlessly social. I know that you, too, can achieve your fear free life once you set your mind on it.
Summary:
- What are your fears?
- How do they hinder you?
- How would life be without the hindrance?
- What causes those fears?
- What can you do to fight these fears?
- Do it anyway.
Topics that could also be relevant to you:
[Read] How to become Proactive – Create your “Proactive Personality”
[Read] The Mindset Of Successful People
[Read] How to get better at Communication – The most important Skill
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Love from Germany,
Carina and Julia
