Are We Being Selfish With Our Personal Goals?

The balancing act of Self-Fulfillment

When we grow up life is simple.

The smell of baked pies.

Grass tickling our feet.

Dancing in the rain.

Fights with our siblings.

Laughter and Tears.

The adults in our life make the decisions for us. Hoping we’ll have a better future than them. Trying to do better than their parents. Imagining a future for us that they guide us towards. Or they want to fulfill their unachieved dreams through us.

In either way we don’t have to worry about the next electricity bill, insurances and tax declarations.

Hell, we don’t even have to think what’s for dinner.

Maybe that’s romanticizing childhood. But you get the feeling. Our parents make all the decision, and we make few. And suddenly after all those years we grow up. Our parents have no longer any say in what we do and want.

Thought in their eyes we’ll always be their babies.

We want to make them proud. We want to be there for them like they were there for us. We try our best to do what they want us to do. Be it consciously or unconsciously.  We want their:

“We are so proud of you.”

“ I always knew you would make a great… “

But deep down we start feeling angry, resentful, dissatisfied.

“You are so quiet these days?”

“ Why are you so grumpy?”

One morning we wake up and it hits us. This is not what we want. It’s awful. We don’t know exactly what we want yet. But there is this feeling in our belly telling us we are on the wrong path.

Now we have to decide. Dull that feeling out like so many do? Or figure out what we want instead.

One thing is for sure.

When we feel bad, we make others feel bad as well.

An unhappy person cannot make anyone happy.

We choose to follow our personal dreams.

What a shock to our loved ones. And they become anxious:

“You can’t feed yourself this way.”

“You are such a dreamer.”

“We only want the best for you.”

“See reason.”

“That’s how life is, get used to it.”

“Nonsense.”

“You talk with your daughter.”

We end up being labeled as selfish.

Can you give up your dreams for your loved ones?  Are we allowed to want what we want? Are we being selfish wanting what we want? Seeing their hurt. Their disappointment. Their confusion. And their worry. Worry for us. Worry that their baby will be unhappy or have a difficult life.

We have many people in our life that want something for us. As we grow older, we get a partner, friends, mentors. More and more people, who want to have a say in our life.  

Are we using others as an excuse? Holding ourselves back from reaching our dreams? Or is it that they really are against us working on our goals?  

“If I do that, they will feel bad.”

There are 2 reasons why our loved ones push us in a certain direction:

1.       Their guidance comes from a place of love. They are worried that we’ll be unhappy, unhealthy, get hurt, live in poverty.

2.       Their guidance comes from a place of selfishness. They want to fulfill their dreams through us, they worry about their reputation, they want to brag with us.

When their pushing us in a direction comes from a place of love, they will say they won’t stand in our way. They will let us go.

When you love someone, you let them go and when they really love you, they will come back. Does that mean I don’t really love if I go for my dreams? Knowingly hurting them?

So, what do you do? Follow your dreams, be happy and in conclusion make them unhappy? Follow their dreams for you, be unhappy and make them happy? Or compromise fulfill neither’s dreams completely and in progress make everyone unhappy?  What is fulfilment for you?

It is quiet a dilemma.

But what if we can invite them into our world. Let them take part in it. Show them how they can profit from us achieving our dreams. Show them how serious we are? Why we do what we want to do.

When our dreams become their dreams for us, they will be our biggest supporters.

In companies a good leader motivates all people, even those who are reluctant, against change and worried. We can learn from great leaders and get our loved ones on board.  

Show them what we do, how we’ll earn money, ease their worries.

Make your loved ones support your dreams: 

1.       be patient and give them time

2.       communicate openly

3.       show them through actions that their beliefs are wrong

4.       engage them

After all they are important in our life. They are worth a little effort.

When they really want to push us on a certain path out of love, they will accept our goals, collaborate with us, and when they push us towards a goal for selfish reasons, I don’t see why we should sacrifice our dreams for their egos. If that means we are being selfish, so be it.