Project Girl 2 Woman, Author at ProjectGirl2Woman

How to Force Myself to do Things ? – 5 Strategies to More Self-Discipline

Do you have difficulties staying disciplined? Asking yourself: Why can’t I force myself to do things ? Why am I not able to get things done?

Undoubtedly the lack of self-discipline is one of the most major causes of failure. Napoleon Hill wrote in his classic Think and Grow Rich: “Before you can control conditions, you must first control yourself“ (p. 140).

But once you have self-discipline, once you can control yourself you will achieve your goals. You’ll be able to lose weight, save money for a trip, stop smoking, start exercising.

Or just doing the things you like.

What is self discipline?

What does it mean to have self-discipline? According to Jay Shetty if you have Self-Discipline you can “Resist the Urges of the mind”. The Cambridge dictionary defined self-discipline as “the ability to make yourself do things when you should, even if you do not want to do them.”

How to force myself to do things?

Can’t force yourself to do the things you know you need to do?

There are many reasons why we don’t feel like doing anything. Like life being bleh, lack of motivation, laziness, numbness, being in a slump, period, the world being grey, the task is absolutely boring.

Sometimes we need a break.

Most of the time we need a kick in the butt.

Here are 10 Quick Tips on: How to push myself to do things I need to do?

Start a task for 5 Minutes. Work on the task without interruption or distraction.
Try using the Pomodoro Technique.
Don’t give yourself time to think about starting a task. Close your eyes take a breath and start. (Your mind will come up with a thousand excuses, to why you should not start if you give it time)
Break your task into tiny tasks. (Eg. not take a walk, instead put on your shoes)
Do it with a partner, if you can’t force yourself to do it for yourself you might be able to force yourself if you do it for someone else.
Just show up, for example, start writing that book (even if you only write 1 word, even if you just stare at the empty screen)
Just pick 1 tiny task a day. Start small.
Pretend like you are someone who loves doing that task. Slip into someone else’s role.
Is it something you are afraid of and that’s why you can’t get yourself to start? (For me that’s sales calls urgh) I am afraid it’s all about practice. Until it becomes comfortable. Try it with a possible client that isn’t too important to you. Laugh if you fail.
Don’t see the task as forcing yourself see it as training your body to do something.

BONUSE TIP: Motivational Music always helps me. Something epic when I am low on energy, a success song when I am low on motivation. Study music when I can’t focus.

Hope this answers How to do things i don’t want to do ? What’s your favorite tip let us know in the comments below 🙂

How to develop self discipline ?

To build your self-discipline check out these 5 proven methods for gaining better self-control.

1. It starts with the right Mindset.

Who do you believe yourself to be? The truth is you are who you believe you are. So, do you think you are a self-disciplined person? Or do you believe you are the most undisciplined person out there? Do you believe you have no willpower to diet or do you believe you can achieve anything?

We all have a certain picture of ourselves in our mind. Our perception is our truth.

From birth onwards, people and experiences have programmed us to believe we are a certain way.

It’s our status quo. If we think we are someone undisciplined our brain will prove to us that indeed we are undisciplined. Each misstep will be registered in our brain as a proof.

Worst … behave according to our beliefs.

For example, I believe myself to be a punctual person. So, I try to be punctual, because it is the kind of person I am. I work hard to meet my deadlines and be perceived as punctual by others. Each time I am punctual my brain thinks “see I am a punctual person”.

Sadly, the same is true for negative beliefs.

So how can we relearn who we are?

With conscious experiences!

Get into situations where you have to show discipline and consciously take note that you indeed have been disciplined.

The more often you experience yourself as a disciplined person the more you will believe you are disciplined.

What to do?

Make a list and make an X every time you practice self-discipline. You’d be surprised about how well you are already doing. You will see you are already a pretty self-disciplined person!

2. Discipline is learned!

As GaryVee said discipline is a learned behavior. So when you ask yourself: Why do i have no discipline ? It’s probably because you haven’t learned that behavior yet. In order to become disciplined, you have to start doing.

Jay Shetty explained we have a monkey brain and a monk’s brain. We receive outside input through our senses such as touch, sound, vision, hearing, and smell. Those senses cause our monkey brain to react according to past experiences, if and only if our monk brain doesn’t interfere.

So, our monk brain is our guardian. He is the one who has Self-Discipline.

Sadly, our monk has become a little lazy or he’s been on a vacation lately. So, it’s time to get him back on track.

Jay Shetty uses the 5R Method:

Reason:

First, you need a powerful enough reason why you should be disciplined to achieve your goal. This reason has to be deep and it has to be real. It’s not good enough to say I want to lose weight, because I want to lose weight.

Research:

Next, you need to do research. Find out who already achieved what you want to achieve. Listen to podcasts and read books. Somewhere out there someone knows how you can get to where you want to go. Ask that person. Or read about it. The more proof your brain has it’s possible and the more you’ll think about achieving your goal. It will be more likely that you stay disciplined.

Repetition:

Set small steps and make those daily steps a priority. Small steps help you be consistent. They don’t cause as much mental resistance.

Responsibility:

Achieve your goal with someone. A partner. So, you feel responsible. Maybe you won’t have enough discipline to work for yourself, but you don’t want to let your partner down.

Reward:

Lastly, recognize how far you’ve come. Recognize when you did well and how much better you’ve already become and reward yourself.

Dean Graziosi stays disciplined through the following method:

Know what is important to do? What do you want more of in life? What should you be doing?
Next, decide to just do that. Don’t overwhelm yourself with a broad range of to-dos.
Schedule your day and don’t let your day schedule your life.
Stick to the schedule!
You always should have hard deadlines. You need an exact time when you are to reach the next level.
Take a break after a hard 2 hours otherwise you get drained. He mentioned that around 5 Productive hours a day is realistic.
Have the proper mindset.
Use Systems and Processes that lead you towards your goal.
Do proactive Planning. We should take more time on planning than on actually doing it. So we do the right things at the right time.

[Read: How to become Proactive – Create your “Proactive Personality”]

[Read: Start Successful into the new year – A Productivity System]

3. Do you really want it bad enough?

“People talk about wanting to win but they don’t actually want to win” is what GaryVee said. Sometimes we talk about plans and goals more in a sense of dreaming.

We say we want to travel the world but to actually travel would mean we would have to sacrifice something we aren’t willing to sacrifice. Like time with family. Our stable job.

Before you make a goal and try to be disciplined find out if it is really what you want or is it something others expect of you? It will be hard to stay disciplined when you unconsciously dislike the goal.

If it feels like you are making a sacrifice it might not be the right goal for you.

4. Get your basic needs met first.

According to Mel Robbins, “our willpower is not at some constant level all day, waiting around for us to use it”.

It gets weaker with decisions we make, and it gets weaker when we don’t meet our basic needs.

It’s a lot harder to have the discipline to work out when you had four hours of sleep and when you are hungry it will be difficult to have the discipline to study. You can find your basic needs in Maslow’s Pyramid of Needs

5. Get Rid of Distractions

Last but not least get rid of distractions. It will be a lot easier when you work in a room without distractions and order.

Remove all the distractions, such as your phone or at least turn off the messengers. Your favorite games, comic books, sweets if you want to go on a diet.

Netflix, social media and youtube are other distractions that might exhaust your self-discipline.

So to Sum it Up

Get the Right Mindset
Learn Self-Discipline through experiences
Make sure it’s really what you want
Get your basic needs met first
Get Rid of Distractions

So that’s it for today. Hope we answered the question: How to build self discipline and how to force myself to do things . The next time you think Why can’t I just do things? reread this post for a little kick in the butt 😉 For updates follow us on:

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Love from Germany,

Julia and Carina

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How to get better at talking to people – Without getting all Awkward

Project Girl 2 Woman

Have you ever wondered how to get better at talking to people?

One time I had the crazy idea to go to a Human Resources Event alone.

And I arrived early… Like 1 hour early…

There were tables sprinkled around the room. And everyone so far had come in pairs. 😱

I had the strongest urge to turn around and run. But the check-in lady had already collected my coat.

What to do? Sit down and wait an hour till the event starts? Try to …omg mingle and make awkward small talk? How do I have a good conversation with those strangers? As an introvert, this was my worst nightmare.

To be continued …

Why is it so hard to talk to strangers?

As kids, we just say what we think. And while I don’t recommend saying whatever is on your mind (that might end well… ) I think as kids communication comes more easily to us. Why is that?

We didn’t worry so much about what we said.
We didn’t care what people might think .
We were honestly curious.

I’d say almost everyone gets nervous when communicating at least in certain situations.

The number one skill I want to get better at – and the number 1 skill I would recommend you get better at is communication. The good point: like any other skill, communication can be learned and improved. The bad point: It might get´… uncomfortable.

Do you know your number one reason, why you think you are not good at talking with people?

It’s yourself. You and your expectations are the reason you suck at speaking. Perfectionism. We are so worried about what to say, how we say it, how others perceive it, if it’s the right thing to say, if people will like it. So, we don’t say anything at all, which is failure by default, or we stumble with our words, thinking too much. We are our own worst enemy. Still, there are ways to trick ourselves! Please read on.

What is Communication?

According to Merriam Webster, communication is defined as “a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, signs, or behavior.” In simple, we communicate when we exchange information.

So let's find out: How can I be better at conversation?

Before you read on, take a pen and paper and write it down! Take your time. When you communicate with people you are confident around what do you do? How do you act? What’s different?

1. Tongue Twisters – To warm up your voice

Right before going on stage in theater class we had to do tongue twisters. Tongue twisters are a great way to warm up your voice. They also make you less nervous and more present as you really have to focus on what you say.

I’ve almost forgotten about that practice until I saw a video by the Stanford Graduate School of Business where Matt Abrahams teaches about communication. Next time before a presentation or a job interview try this trick. Even world-class speakers warm their voices with tongue twisters. Here is one of my favorite English ones – usually I do German ones.

Betty Botter bought some butter but, she said, the butter’s bitter.
If I put it in my batter, it will make my batter bitter.
But a bit of better butter will make my bitter batter better.
So she bought some better butter, better than the bitter butter,
put it in her bitter batter, made her bitter batter better.
So ‘t was better Betty Botter bought some better butter.

Since English isn’t my native language sorry if I mispronounce anything I had a blast try it! And share it with us on twitter!

2. Break Patterns – To Speak More Spontaneously

Another good trick I learned from Matt Abrahams video is that you should practice breaking the patterns and stop preparing answers in advance to speak spontaneously.

Exercise 1:

You had to quickly point at objects and give them the wrong name. Let’s say you point at a chair you can say for example TV. Point at a fridge – banana. Try it for 30 seconds before you read on!

Now people like me, who try to say everything perfectly, already prepared the first 5 words, while he explained the exercise, which kinda defies the purpose as we try to talk more spontaneously. :’)

Nope restart – no preparation allowed!

Next, what people often do is to start with a pattern. For example, they start naming a list of fruits.

Nope restart no pattern allowed.

Exercise 2:

Exercise 2 is a partner game. You can do it alone too, but it works better with a partner.

Partner A has to pretend to give partner B a gift.

Partner B opens the imagined gift and says thank you for the “first thing that comes to mind”.

Partner A then has to say: Yeah, I knew you always wanted a XYZ, because “ First thing that comes to mind “.

I tried it with my sister and for whatever the reason the first thing that came to my mind was a finger.

Those exercises make you feel more comfortable with saying the wrong thing and being more spontaneous and creative. (There really isn’t a wrong answer in this exercise).

Just try it a few times when you have nothing better to do. Like on the toilet. Or play it with your family. To be a spontaneous speaker you have to get out of your own way and dare to be boring. Don’t strive to be the perfect speaker. Just speak.

3. Don’t Be Defensive – See Talking As An Opportunity

See speaking as an opportunity otherwise you are going to be on the defense side. When you speak you should see communication as a tool to exchange information as explained in the definition. Even when you are on stage imagine you are speaking to a friend. Someone you feel comfortable around. You have to Reframe your mind into a YES approach instead of a BUT.

For this take a note every time you say but for a day!

There Are 3 Types Of Defensive Language We Should Avoid:

Surrendering (passively/or actively)

For example, justifying other people’s bad behavior towards you: He does that, because I …

Withdrawal

For example, leaving the room, or stopping the communication and just sullenly stare.

Counterattacking

For example, justifying your own position, or attacking someone.

Also, check out Jim Tamms Ted Talk on Cultivating Collaboration: Don’t Be So Defensive! It is really good!

He explains that we use defensiveness when we try to avoid our fears, which we don’t want to feel.

Those are often: Our likeability, competence, and significance.

For example, when we feel we are incompetent, we might start blaming others. Instead of saying I messed up that project it is easier to say he did this and that.

How You Can Overcome Defensiveness:

1. Acknowledge you get defensive

2. Take a few deep breaths, take a walk

3. Check negative self-talk

4. Create an Action Step (eg. when you withdraw try to talk)

5. Start Over

Practice this!

via GIPHY

4. Speak with the HAIL Method

In his TED Talk Julian Treasure talks about the 4 cornerstones of effective communication:

HAIL

stands

for:

Honesty

Authenticity

Integrity

Love

If you talk with Honesty and Love you will be honest, but not to the point of being painful. If you mean someone well, you won’t judge him.

5 . Use WE and US – Don’t distance yourself with language

Often when we get nervous, we use distancing language. Instead of saying I, WE or YOU, we say one should.

How does it feel when you hear:

One should communicate with love?
We should communicate with love?

Don’t distance yourself with speech. Often when we use distancing language we also cross our arms or take a step back. Those are warning signs, that we try to distance ourselves. Try to pay attention to those signs.

6. Avoid Filler Words – Hmm, Ehm

Often we use filler words, which are absolutely useless, when we get nervous. Those words make us seem less secure and less competent.

Instead of using filler words, dare to pause. Silence can be a strong communication tool! Watch great speakers. They usually talk slowly and use breaks!

Try and tell a made-up story. Each time you want to use a filler word pause on purpose.

7. Practice, Practice, Practice

The best way to get better at talking is practice . I need to practice as well.

Here are some Reddit tips:

Talk to strangers in the streets or at the store
Try a hello or give a compliment to start a conversation (something not so obvious like shoes or a backpack)
Listen more than you speak
Be interested in the other person, don’t put the focus on yourself
Ask open ended questions not yes/ no questions
Put away your phone.

Don’t forget listening is an extremely important part of communication as well. So, check out this post! And the amount of energy you have also impacts how others perceive you.

Some Of Our Other Blogposts on Skill Building:

How to Build Rapport with anyone
How Get Good at Critical Thinking
Stop awkward talks. Improve your Talking Skills.
Uplevel your Active Listening Skills.
Get Great Teamwork Skills.

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Love from Germany,

Julia and Carina

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Grab the Free Cute Daily Planner Template (24-hours) for Your Productivity [Pdf Printable]

Project Girl 2 Woman

Today we have something exciting to share with you – something we want to give you to master your days and increase your daily productivity

… a 24-hour cute daily planner template in pastel colors and 15-minute intervals. 🙂 An instant download to printout. You don’t have to subscribe to anything! Usually, we don’t do pastel colors, but alas it was our 2 year anniversary.

For those who don’t like girly printables don’t worry. Stay tuned.

Free 24-Hour Daily Time Blocking Template in Plain and Simple

Maybe you aren’t really into pastel-colored templates? No worries if you prefer an easy and basic daily Time Blocking Template we got you covered. Here is the free printable with a clean design. (Not everyone likes girly colorful stuff)

Here is a super simple printable (click here or on the picture to access the file):

Help a sister out! Share it on Pinterest

Tips to Increase Productivity at Home

If you are new to productivity or low on energy, we have some posts that might be helpful before you start editing your tasks into your printable block schedule.

The Pastel Colored Cute Daily Planner Template Printable

The great point of this template is, that it’s a 24-hour planner with 15-minute intervals. For the early birds, it starts at 4 a.m. till 4 a.m.

Whether you are a student or you go to work you can organize your daily schedule with this simple daily to-do list template with time slots to get your stuff done.

To download the Template, click on the image below to access the pdf file.

Those are 2 different ones!

Hope you like them. We’d be super happy to see you in the comments 🙂 Describe your day in 3 emojis or let us know which template you’d like to get next. 🙂

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