Last year was definitely a rollercoaster year and so is this year, full of ups and downs. Once in a while it’s time to sit down and take the time to self-reflect.
At the end of the summer semester of 2020, we had a very fun group work. But, during our last session, the presentation of our project, a group member threw me under the bus to catch a better grade.
Now it wouldn’t be a self-reflection if I wouldn’t reflect on my own behavior. I blamed her for doing me wrong. I was frustrated, angry, and even hurt as I thought she was a good friend.
But as much as it hurt, it was also a good lesson taught. How do I treat others? Do I make them feel the same way? Why am I doing it and when? Am I a toxic person?
It is easy to only concentrate on your own emotions and feelings, but how do you make another person feel?
7 ways to be less toxic in 2021
Don't Do's:
1. Stop blaming others!
The first thing you need to do is stop blaming other people. It is not their fault that you couldn’t afford your dream college. It’s not their fault that the boy/girl didn’t fall for you. It’s not their fault that you didn’t get the job.
Look at yourself. You could have worked a part-time job to afford the college. You didn’t have the necessary skills to impress the company. And no, it’s not their fault that you missed opportunities because you didn’t have the courage to give it a go.
Look at yourself. What can you do to change the situation? What can you do so it won’t happen again in the future?
2. Stop being Jealous!
Every time I think about jealousy I think about this green monster with ten eyes and an evil grin. It makes us feel bitter and say/do unreasonable things. Why else would we suddenly insult people close to us just for being better in certain activities or having better things/ a better running business?
In most cases we don’t even want to be that mean – It is just coming out of our mouth. But aren’t we as hurtful only because it makes us feel bad about ourselves? Maybe even guilty for not putting the needed work in?
So why are we jealous about others, if we actually should be angry at ourselves? I don’t like to admit that I used to be a jealous person. But accepting how it is and changing your own way of thinking can change how you treat people and how people treat you.
So to stop being jealous is definitely one way to be less toxic. How can you do it? Reflect on yourself every time you get jealous or angry at someone.
3. Stop guilt-tripping
Your best friend doesn’t have the time to come to your birthday? Fine. Then you tell her that she is a horrible friend who only looks only after herself.
To make sure she is coming you just add a little lie that your family also can’t make it and that you are all alone now on your birthday. It’s her fault you feel lonely. Guilt-tripping is not okay. It’s a major sign of a toxic behavior.
This is the most toxic behavior I have witnessed so far and I can just tell you to stop what you are doing. If you are angry that your friend doesn’t come to such an important event then simply tell her that.
It is not necessary to play with the emotions of your friends and family just so you get what you want. How would you feel if your friends would treat you this way?
4. Don’t use or hurt anyone!
There are so many examples I could give here. Like making your coworker finish your projects and then collect the rewards of his work.
Making friends just to gain a bit of popularity. Pretending to like someone just to bad talk about the person when meeting with others. Stop having bad intentions towards others. Stop looking for an opportunity to push yourself by making them feel bad about themselves. You don’t want to be used or hurt and neither do they.
5. Avoid judging people too Quickly
Do you think a person has acne because they didn’t wash their face? You think people who are chubby just don’t work out enough. You make fun of people who are “just” production workers. (Not only is that really mean you also don’t know the backtstory.)
6. Don't Manipulate and Control people
Do you use manipulation to get your way? Try not to manipulate people.
7. Don't make fun of people
Are you laughing at other people’s misfortune? Or do you make fun of their body character and so on? Become aware of your speech pattern and your behavior and stop being rude.
What other toxic behavior do you know? Let us know in the comments below 🙂
Do's
8. Start listening To be less Toxic
And I really mean active listening. Try to understand your friend or relative. Try to put yourself in their position. Yes, it is hard. We cannot feel what others feel. But we can do our best to try to understand them. If your friend sees you as trustworthy and heartbrokenly tells you her inner secrets, then don’t make it a competition. It is not all about you. Keep yourself out of the situation and be a bystander, a shoulder to lean on.
Example: Your friend tells you that her brother is really sick and that she was very close to him. Don’t tell her that one of your relatives even has it worse. Instead, comfort and support her.
[Read: 4 Reasons why you should improve your listening skills!]
9. Be vulnerable, honest, and open
Also, take the last example to be open to your friends. It is okay to show weaknesses. It’s okay to not always be okay. Most relationships are only superficial as everyone is too scared to be hurt. Be honest, don’t lie about yourself to make you look better. Lies will eventually be uncovered anyway. Rather be yourself and stop comparing yourself to others. Being toxic to yourself is also destructive.
10. Think before you talk
Most mindset clusters or habits are self-taught by books or videos. Most of them. But this one is something I have learned from my dad. Maybe that’s why it was so easy for me to follow this rule: I have heard it since I was a child. Think before you talk. Maybe my sister and I said mean things to him when we were small. Maybe he learned it from his own experiences. Or maybe he knows how important it is to be careful with one’s words. It doesn’t matter why he taught us but that he did. And I hope you also learn this lesson. The easiest way to avoid hurting people is to stop yourself from saying something nasty.
11. Learn to Apologize
You behaved badly? Time to accept your shortcommings. Admit to your mistakes and learn how to apologize to other people. It doesn’t only make you less toxic. People like people, who own their mistakes.
12. Make Positive Friends
You are who your friends are. Are your friends a bunch of meanies? Make some new friends. Get into a positive group.
Summary:
These are 9+ ways to be less toxic. Don’t forget that we are all in the same boat. Be kind to each other. Support. Help out. Just a small gesture can make the world a better place. And remember what you send out comes back. So if you are nasty to people, people are nasty back to you and when you are nice to people, people will be nice to you too.
Topics that could also be relevant to you:
[Read] 17 Negative Habits to Get Rid of in 2020!
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Love from Germany,
Carina and Julia
